


Lessons from Asgard – Courtesy of Loki 2 - The Dark World

by RenneMichaels



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bad Parenting, Complete, Gen, Humor, Loki's resistance, Loki’s Resistance, Odin's A+ Parenting, Parody, Warning: Loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 22:30:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1037116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenneMichaels/pseuds/RenneMichaels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A primer for anyone who has ever wondered what the heck is going on in the Eternal City. More humor than spoiler, but if you are a stickler please don't read. Asgard Secrets Exposed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lessons from Asgard – Courtesy of Loki 2 - The Dark World

**Author's Note:**

> [](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/)  
>  This work is licensed under a [Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/).
> 
> *** If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated, because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE. ***

**Lessons from Asgard – Courtesy of Loki 2 - The Dark World**

**Captain America’s Outfit is Loki Approved –** Apparently Loki likes how tight it is in certain places.

 **Pantene is not available in Asgard** \- Neither is Garnier or any other brand that actually works, as evidenced by the abundance of greasy hair among the Æsir, including the Crown Prince.

 **BiFrost Repairs Complete** – Recent reconstruction of the BiForost is finished and has allowed the construction of a planned expansion, the new and improved BiFrost is ridiculously long. Tolls will apply until building costs are recouped; make sure your horse is fully fueled as wait times can be considerable during peak hours and All Father Closings.

 **Vidal Sassoon –** Does not have any salons in Asgard, nor does Paul Mitchel if Frigga’s hairstyles are any indication.

 **Matchmaker.com** – Is not getting any competition from Asgard, despite the All Father’s best efforts.

 **Primitive Bathing Facilities Abound** –Despite being an advanced race of immortals, even in the royal palace Asgardians have still not discovered the shower.

 **Sif Hoarding** – Rather than jewels, Sif had apparently cornered the Æsir Eye Brow Pencil Market resulting in massive product unavailability for everyone else, especially in the prison levels.

 **Sparkle Swords** – Are the Æsir response to distance weapons and not a good response either, resulting in increased prices on funeral boats.

 **Odin A+ Parenting** – No longer a valid tag due his recent abysmal performance in this area exceeding the limits for even this rating. A study group will be looking into a new tag to adequately reflect his total dick parenting. Suggestions are welcome.

 **Fandral has pissed off the Goddess of Pomade** – Resulting in a frizzled bang look that resembles most Japanese Boy Band Members.

 **Not As I Do**  – Double Standards abound in Asgard. It is A-Okay with Odin that his father Bor Killed an entire race, but not for Loki.

 **Domesticated Ruminant Animal Restrictions** – Mortals like Jane Foster are not permitted in Asgard or at Banquets.

 **Excuse Improvement** – Thor has finally passed his O levels.

 **Might Makes Right** – According to the Wisdom of the All Father, the difference between good and evil is who wins.

 **Heimdall’s Principles for Similar Situations** – Orders from the king are orders and cannot be disobeyed, not even for Thor. Unless the king is Loki, and then it’s okay.

 **Okay if Not Loki** * - More of a general behavior rule. Genocide, Treason, Betrayal, Causing the deaths of others and major property damage are clearly okay as long as someone other than Loki is the instigator of events leading up to the said action. OINL* (Per [Zhang](../../users/Zhang/pseuds/Zhang))  Genocide -Bor and the Dark Elves. Betrayal and Treason Thor, Sif, Fandral, Volstag, twice even for the last three. Thor, actions leading to death and destruction in a realm under Asgard’s protection.

**Author's Note:**

> **Please feel free to leave comments with the lesson’s you learned so we can expand this primer.**
> 
>  
> 
> I don't own the Avengers or Thor, they are the property of Marvel and Disney, and are not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.
> 
>  **[Complete list of RenneMichaels writings, gifts, and art.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/RenneMichaels/works)**  
> .  
>  **[The Trouble with Tricksters](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5143163/chapters/11837846)** COMPLETE - Loki is kept in Stark Tower, but he is a NOT silent, dignified, lone figure, mostly avoiding the Avengers he is forced to share living quarters with. Instead he is an in your face brat. Who walks a fine line between annoying the shit out of all of them but doing it in a way that isn’t blatant enough for anyone to stomp on him without an avenging Thor coming after them. 33,251 Words  
> .  
>  **[Palaces of Sand and Gold](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2398826/chapters/5303108)** COMPLETE If Tony and Loki ever broke up, Tony and the SI lawyers wouldn't stand a chance against Odin and his Logmars in a custody struggle. Fortunately it hasn’t come to that, but it is a struggle dealing with overzealous grandparents? Domestic One Shots in the Queens Grace Verse that can be read alone. 9563 words.  
> .  
>  **[The Littlest Trickster](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5056117/chapters/11627242) ** COMPLETE - Tony Stark finds out that neither he nor Loki are any match for a child determined to return to Earth. A series of One Shots as the newest heir of Asgard experiences Life on Midgard. Queens Grace Verse AU, Comes after Palaces of Sand and Gold, but can be read alone. Co-written with Ykmust. 27,800 words  
> .  
>  **[Queens Grace](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1038355/chapters/2071435)** COMPLETE WITH SEQUEL - After the New York attack, Odin has taken Loki’s magic, made him mortal and imprisoned him. But Asgard is not a safe place for the Trickster under these conditions. Recent events make Odin decide to take away one more thing from his second son, his memory going back for the last four years, making Asgard unsafe for Loki’s reduced station. From stories Thor had told, Frigga decides that Tony Stark’s tower would make an excellent secure location for amnesiac Loki to be under house arrest. 225,458 words.  
> .  
>  **[Anthony of Asgard](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2193336/chapters/4803567) ** \- COMPLETE - After several years of being housed in Stark Tower as a state prisoner of Asgard, Loki is recalled to Realm Eternal. Devastated Tony is now minus a lab partner, wingman and a snark buddy for movie night. Pepper has moved to the west coast and married, SHIELD is doing some crazy shit and with the exception of occasionally seeing Bruce, Tony doesn’t have much interaction with his former team mates. He wonders how it is possible to feel so lonely in a city so full of people. However he's and engineer and a genius... he can fix this. All he has to do is convince Queen Frigga and Odin All Father to go along with his plan. - Sequel to Queens Grace.  
> .  
>  **[How Desperate Are You?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/778956/chapters/1466437)** COMPLETE WITH SEQUEL – Loki has had a bad year and after leaving Midgard with Thor and challenging Odin isn’t making it any better, but no matter how smart you are… Sometimes stubborn happens. It may not seem to be in your best interest, but how desperate are you for a resolution? Any resolution. Loki is returned to Asgard and nothing good happens, but Loki isn’t the only one with issues, Odin has plenty of his own, especially in the realm of A+ Parenting. Loki is desperate to escape from Asgard, Odin and his past. 73,000 Words  
> .  
>  **[Desperate for Change](http://archiveofourown.org/works/943697/chapters/1841248)** COMPLETE - Returning to Midgard after an absence of almost two years, Loki finds that as desperate for change as he has been, some changes will take time to get used to, especially when they concern his relationship with Tony and Pepper. Sequel to How Desperate Are You? 77,000 Words  
> .  
>  **[ Lets Bark a Deal](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4307787)** COMPLETE - A spell goes wrong leaving the Avengers and Loki with a very different outlook to say the least. Tony's need to make a deal with Loki is hampered by the body he finds himself in. One Shot  
> .  
> 


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